So the minor and I decided to go away together...nothing serious, we just wanted to be spontaneous and fun. I just experienced a mini windfall on account of a wise stock trade and I was dying to take a trip, so I even treated the little guy, assuming he hadn't received any New Years money and likely wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise. The first couple of days were great, but then the minor's true, selfish colors started to show and I was ultimately unimpressed. After a week of him whining and and pouting, it became very clear to me that my minor's Greek God stature had left him with a personality that offered little else. Clearly everything had been offered to him on a silver platter up until this point, and I'm far too experienced and well-aged to train this douchebag. I've done enough training, it's time for a real man who knows how to treat a lady...*ahem*, well, me. The final straw for me was finding out that he had come on the trip with $40 to his name...$40 that he advised me he needed desperately for groceries upon our return. Was this guy for realsies? He literally just assumed that I would be paying for everything? Like, everything?? Wow.
Over the course of the week it became crystal clear that we would not continue the relationship once we got home. So I found it entirely unnecessary that he approached me on our last night just before bedtime to tell me that he had lost interest in me and he didn't enjoy spending time with me. Ouch. I told him that I hope he had somewhere else to sleep that night, and he seemed utterly shocked. Has this guy even talked to a woman before? I kicked him out and went to bed. He came back and crawled into bed at 2am, and asked me if I wanted to have sex. Was this guy fucking kidding me? Um, NO. "Well can I go down on you then?" Oh ya for sure...I don't want your dick inside of me, but please, stick your face in my beautiful pussy. Fucking idiot. I should have said yes and peed all over his gorgeous, selfish face, but I'm so fucking nice I simply reiterated a more firm "NO."
At the airport in the morning the check-in attendant was clicking away on his computer, frantically trying to find us seats together. "Oh no, sir, we most certainly DO NOT need to sit together" I offered. He asked if I was sure...hells YES. So I handed my ex-God his boarding pass, his seat was 10 rows in front of mine, and I shooed him away, explaining that I didn't see any need for us to stay together from that point. Off he went. Good dog. I strolled around the airport leisurely and grabbed a couple of snacks and a Gatorade for the plane. It briefly occurred to me that the ex-God didn't have any money for food or water, he'd have to wait 3 hours for the crappy plane food...*chuckle*. When we boarded the plane I didn't even turn my head in his direction. I was most delighted to find out that any food offered was for purchase, and there was no free meal at all...*double chuckle*. I ordered a Thai chicken wrap and polished that off...I needed something to wash down the snacks I'd enjoyed earlier. When we landed back at home it would have been 9 hours since he ate or drank anything last. I whizzed through customs and my bag was the third one to drop onto the carousel. Awesome. I noticed the douchebag in my peripheral vision waiting for his luggage, looking slightly pale and weak from lack of electrolytes. I grabbed my luggage, popped the handle, and wheeled the fuck outta there without so much as a glance at my most recent drunken mistake. I hope it didn't take him long to panhandle enough Benjamin Franklins to bus home that night.
Needless to say we haven't spoken since. He did attempt one last pathetic apology after the fact...a text message the next day apologizing for the way he'd acted all week...
Delete.
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