So after 2 weeks online, I met one nice guy. We went out and had a few drinks, and the physical attraction was definitely there, and like a Nice Girl, I didn't want to move too quickly and mess anything up, so I didn't kiss him, but he called me the next morning for a second date. That was good. He's a good guy, 29, a teacher, Master's degree, has a beautiful home, is anally neat and organized like myself. In fact, I've never met anyone who is MORE anal-retentive than me, and he is, which is a huge turn-on. It's nice to know that I wouldn't be the only one keeping the furniture at 90 degree angles to the floorboards if we ever shared a home. So that was about 2 weeks ago. However, as you have now come to realize, I'm destined to fuck up my life where men are concerned, and I've had a bit of a distraction the past 2 weeks, and I haven't yet met the nice anal man for our second date.
Like many people, I had a few days off work over the holidays. I met nice anal man on a Sunday because we both had Monday off. In keeping with my rockstar status, I also went out the next day. I went to meet a few friends at a pub, nice and early. It was still light out. I opted to take a cab because I knew that I would likely end up getting wasted like a douchebag, and I am a responsible douchebag. Don't drink and drive, kids. So my nice early light beer session turned into a Vodka and Muff Diver shot session, and before I knew it, my girlfriends and I were at our favorite bar from a decade ago, that shall remain nameless. At this point, my crush for nice anal man has been numbed by copious amounts of 80 proof, and I walk into the bar and BOOM. The hottest thing I've seen for at least an hour is right in front of me. We exchanged drunk sexy glances and eventually one of us approached the other. Now this guy looked young, maybe 25, but it isn't out of my character to play with the little ones. So we flirt all night, and he's awesome, and so hot, and yaaaa....I take him back to my lair for some cougar fun.
Next morning. Yes, I actually let him sleep over, it was nice to have sex 4 more times before noon. So after round 5 we're just hanging out and he says "I can't believe I spent all my Christmas money partying." Um, what? This guy still gets fucking Christmas money? Fuuuuuuck..."How old are you?" I asked, not actually wanting to hear the answer. "I'm twenty." Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck meeeeeeeeeeeee. Ok, so ya, I've just banged a fucking minor, and given him alcohol, and sweet fucking Jesus am I going to be arrested? Are his parents going to charge me with statutory rape? Yikes, Fuck. Twenty? This guy could be my kid. I mean, during the Renaissance, but still. Fuck.
Fuck.
And why the fuck don't I get Christmas money?
Fuck.
