I'm fed-up with real boys. No, I'm not going to date Pinnochio, I've decided to take my single life into the digital age and try online dating. It's been 3 days, and this is nothing short of extremely entertaining! Some guys are complete douchebags, saying right in their profile "No fat chicks, you know who you are", and "You're lucky I'm even ON this site"...uuuh, are ya kidding me? And about 50% of these men have a picture of themselves holding a big fish they just caught. Can someone please tell these men that we don't give a flying fuck about your snapper? Maybe if you were my ACTUAL boyfriend, you'd get a fake "Way to go, honey!", but please, know your audience. This isn't an application for membership into the Global Navigator's Association, it's a dating site. About 25% of men also advertise that they "get bored easily." Great intro...I believe that's what caused my last 3 boyfriends to stick their dicks in other people. Fail.
The personal messages I receive are generally lame, but the odd time I will receive something that makes me laugh out loud at work, putting my future career in jeopardy. Like this morning, I received "Are you a magician?.. Because when I saw your profile, everyone else's disappeared. Talk to me." Hilarious. Too bad he chose to post a pic with his friend, and his friend is cuter than he is. I also got a message from a marijuana activist. He sent two pictures of himself, one marching in a protest and the other smoking a huge fatty.Yikes.
So here we go, into the new digital era. I have an open mind and an open heart as usual...bring on the handsome doctors!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
No More Mr. Nice Girl
Alright, after spending the entire weekend banning The Nice Girl Project, I've come to a groundbreaking conclusion: guys like to be treated like shit! I've had the most wonderful week of boys chasing me down, all thanks to being a complete douchebag.
Remember the bartender from a couple of weeks ago who never called? Guess who was trying to track me down all night on Friday, seemingly warm for my form? Yes, that's right. He's ridiculously young, but, unfortunately, ridiculously HOT, so I had my way with him and much to his dismay, kicked him out before bedtime. Just as he was falling into a Stoli-induced sex coma, I nudged him..."psssst...you have to go, I'm not used to having boys in my bed." He was in shock, and tried to talk me into letting him stay for a good 15 minutes, but I was having none of it. I can't sleep properly with some random idiot next to me. My fear in life is having these guys see me in my not-so-sexy, morning-after spiral of shame. Not a-happenin'...get out. So he did. And as I rose from my fabulous slumber at noon the next day, I hadn't been awake for 5 minutes when *ding*, I get a text message form the delicious, barely legal bartender..."Thank you for last night. Next time I'm staying over!" This is new to me. Follow-up contact? Next time?? Sleep over??? What the FUCK is going on here? Who the hell knows, but I decided to keep it going...
Saturday. My neighbor who I slept with a week ago and accidentally started to like, (oopsie...did I mention that?), starts joking/texting with me Saturday afternoon. I let it go on for about 15 minutes, then said I had to go, have a good weekend. Done. Fast forward to later that night, I'm having a blast with my friends at some new bar/lounge. (Where, by the way, I ran into the actor/douchebag that started the entire NGP...yup, stiilll a douchebag). So I glance at my phone and neighbor had texted me an hour prior, asking what I was up to. So I managed to ignore him for an hour without even knowing it, nice work! Anyhoo, he keeps in touch all night and comes by to "say hi" much later that night. he really did just come and say hi, and he told me I looked good, and gave me an up and down, which translated to "if you weren't surrounded by 8 of your friends right now, I'd devour you." He gave me a little peck and left. Cute. I shall ignore him until further notice.
I shall ignore them all until further notice. Stay tuned...
Remember the bartender from a couple of weeks ago who never called? Guess who was trying to track me down all night on Friday, seemingly warm for my form? Yes, that's right. He's ridiculously young, but, unfortunately, ridiculously HOT, so I had my way with him and much to his dismay, kicked him out before bedtime. Just as he was falling into a Stoli-induced sex coma, I nudged him..."psssst...you have to go, I'm not used to having boys in my bed." He was in shock, and tried to talk me into letting him stay for a good 15 minutes, but I was having none of it. I can't sleep properly with some random idiot next to me. My fear in life is having these guys see me in my not-so-sexy, morning-after spiral of shame. Not a-happenin'...get out. So he did. And as I rose from my fabulous slumber at noon the next day, I hadn't been awake for 5 minutes when *ding*, I get a text message form the delicious, barely legal bartender..."Thank you for last night. Next time I'm staying over!" This is new to me. Follow-up contact? Next time?? Sleep over??? What the FUCK is going on here? Who the hell knows, but I decided to keep it going...
Saturday. My neighbor who I slept with a week ago and accidentally started to like, (oopsie...did I mention that?), starts joking/texting with me Saturday afternoon. I let it go on for about 15 minutes, then said I had to go, have a good weekend. Done. Fast forward to later that night, I'm having a blast with my friends at some new bar/lounge. (Where, by the way, I ran into the actor/douchebag that started the entire NGP...yup, stiilll a douchebag). So I glance at my phone and neighbor had texted me an hour prior, asking what I was up to. So I managed to ignore him for an hour without even knowing it, nice work! Anyhoo, he keeps in touch all night and comes by to "say hi" much later that night. he really did just come and say hi, and he told me I looked good, and gave me an up and down, which translated to "if you weren't surrounded by 8 of your friends right now, I'd devour you." He gave me a little peck and left. Cute. I shall ignore him until further notice.
I shall ignore them all until further notice. Stay tuned...
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